WORK|OUT European Students’ Review

BERLIN SYNDROME

Should I stay or should I go? — The serious dilemma of an American stuck in Berlin.

   | Jacqueline Mark (BERLIN). A friend of mine informed me the other day that there are approximately 11,000 Americans currently living in Berlin. What are they all doing here? And more importantly, where are they hiding? I hear a fair number of loud American accents on the subway, but usually assume they belong to tourists. I think those of us who have actually moved here attempt to conduct our daily lives more subtly. As I reflect upon this ‘silent invasion’, I find the statistic increasingly comforting. If my figures are correct, that means there are 10,999 other people in the same situation as myself: they have discovered this city and haven’t yet managed to leave.
   I certainly feel afflicted by this so-called ‘Berlin Syndrome’, a combination of infatuation and indecision creating a full-blown existential crisis so eloquently expressed by The Clash: “Should I stay or should I go?” Unfortunately, the object of affection — the city — can’t answer the question and can’t even be bothered by my predicament. Talk about tough love.
   So how did I get here and why can’t I leave? After spending a semester abroad in Berlin two years ago, I was lured back with a Fulbright grant to work as a language assistant in an elementary school. Now that the school year is almost over, I find myself completely torn about leaving the city. Several friends of mine have suggested making a ‘pro’ and ‘con’ list to ease the decision. My list would look something like this:

TOPIC 1. TEACHING IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY
PRO: Working with children. It has been incredibly interesting to observe daily life in a German school. The kids are cute, Fußball-crazed little bundles of energy.
CON: Working with children. Due to what seems to be an anti-authoritarian trend in German public education, the kids seem to have no concept of discipline or respect for their teachers. They simply do not shut up, and I often find myself wanting to wring their cute, energetic, Fußball-crazed little necks.

TOPIC 2. TRANSPORTATION IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY
PRO: I love the fact that I don’t need a car to survive here. BVG (public busses and subways) is wonderful, and I can traverse the entire city on bicycle.
CON: My dependency on the automobile at home has been directly transferred to a dependency on my bicycle, and like so many Berliners, my bike is a real clunker. It’s ironic that my social and professional existence relies entirely on a two-wheeled piece of junk that breaks down every other day. I am also constantly afraid of either a) dying in Torstraße traffic or b) getting stuck in one of East Berlin’s famous tram tracks. And dying.

TOPIC 3. MAKING FRIENDS IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY
PRO: It is an adventure to make German friends, to strive to express oneself in a foreign language... at least that’s what I try to tell myself. Because, let’s be honest — there are no ‘pros’ in this process. Moving right along to
CON: It is extremely frustrating to make German friends, to express oneself in a language with three randomly-assigned forms of the word ‘the’ (der? die? das?). Needless to say, I make an astronomical number of mistakes in conversation and probably come off as extremely dull. The Berliners I meet are nice enough, but making real friends here seems to be like signing a life-long contract: you’re either in or you’re out. Students politely ask me to join their conversations and activities, but as a year has gone by and I still can’t contribute anything really intelligent or interesting, I’m afraid they’re going to get sick of me soon. I wonder if I’ll ever stop feeling like the weird foreign kid, who never quite fits in, never quite gets the joke...

   And the decision process continues. If my list seems overwhelmingly negative, it’s only because the exchange student’s favorite past-time and coping mechanism is to complain about the little cultural differences that make us crazy. In the end, though, these nuances are all trade-offs, attributes we are willing to live with in exchange for new our adventures and experiences. These are the real pros and cons that make Berlin a place that’s hard to love (at first) but even harder to leave. Sure, Berlin is swarming with cranky civil servants who take endless Kaffeepausen while claiming to be “immer für Sie da”. But the lack of friendly service in Berlin is just a minor annoyance when compared to the wonders of 150 Euro university fees (this is what Americans call a bargain — for many of us, a savings of 99.5%!), public parks open for grilling, chilling and stargazing until the sunrise, and — not to be understated — an open-bottle alcohol policy. What I really love about Berlin, though, I can’t even begin to explain: the attitude, the excitement, the Berlinerisch... For anyone who’s never been here, all I can say is that you have to come experience the city yourself. Watch out, though — you might never make it back home.